I was
laughing a lot with God the other day. It was one of those days where you look
at things and you realize that God was working all along. Let me explain.
First
off, I wanted to run. I know I posted about that a couple weeks ago, saying
that I shouldn’t. I had come from my hometown after a week of dealing with all
the problems there, and had barely started to process it all when life hit me
with another two-by-four to the face. The end product of it all was that I instinctively
retreated. I wanted out. When Sunday
rolled around, I was dreading church. For me, it represented the place where
people knew me, and would ask me how my holiday was, and how I was doing. Don’t
get me wrong – I love my church here. But I didn’t want to lie to those people,
and I didn’t want to tell the truth, either. One of my favorite bands was
playing the worship set at the Calvary Chapel in town, and so I decided to go
to church there. It’s a large church, and anonymous. I wanted that.
I had set my alarm so that I could
attend the early service. When it went off, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get
out of bed. I hadn’t been sleeping well, and so I set my alarm for two hours
later. I’d get extra sleep, and could attend the second service. When I got
there, I avoided contact. I just wanted to be alone. The night before, I’d
fought with God. I was angry with Him. I, as usual, wanted to know why I was suffering. And I wanted out. I
finally shoved my pride away and just asked Him to do what He wanted with it.
Surrender.
I wandered up to the top rows, in a
corner, and then checked myself. Since when did I sit in the back? No, all I
was setting myself up for was distraction. I moseyed to the front, and chose a
seat at the end of a row. It was secluded, but at least I was being honest. The
first song drove me to tears. I was done fighting with God. I was done asking
questions about why I was suffering and just wanted His protection and
guidance. I was exhausted from trying to help myself. Throughout the next
couple songs, I felt God nudging me to talk to someone, to let my defenses
down. During the week, the walls had been built up again, stronger and higher
than ever. My friend suggested I talk to someone, but I couldn’t bring myself
to do it. What was I to say to them? Anything scenario I played in my head
embarrassed me. I couldn’t do it. I toyed with the idea of calling my counselor
again, but the thought depressed me. She would be overly sympathetic and tell
me to look inside myself for the answer. I didn’t, couldn’t rely on myself, I
needed someone who would listen and give me Godly advice. The face of a friend
and neighbor popped into my head as I prayed, and I knew that God wanted me to
talk to her.
And I opened my eyes. And I saw
her. Not even kidding, she was across the row from me. And I burst into tears.
After the service (which was all about trusting God in prayer) I walked over to
her. She was happy to see me, and asked how I was. I said that I’d been better,
and asked if I could take her to coffee. And it was exactly what I’d needed.
She let me talk and talk and talk. And I left feeling so much better. And I couldn’t help but laugh with God.
He had caused the band I loved play
the worship at a church that I decided to go to but ended up sleeping through the first service
and then decide to sit in the front so I could look up and see my friend and go
to talk with her.
Laughing with God. It’s really a
funny thing. But relying on Him, and trusting Him with the messiness of life is
so much better than any alternative. He’s got me covered, no matter what. And
sometimes, He causes me to find joy in the strangest ways, and sometimes, He
makes me look around and marvel at His wisdom. Yes, my God has a sense of
humor. And it’s good to laugh with Him.
