The Pursuit of Happiness

Where have I come from, and where am I going?
I suppose this would be an appropriate question for the first post. I used to blog all the time, back in the days of Myspace. Now, however, things have changed. For one, I'm no longer a seething mass of teenaged angst. I've been looking back at the things I used to write, and quite frankly, it's shameful. So here's to a fresh start that hopefully won't be based off of pure whine. No promises, though.
So where have I come from?
Well, as I've just stated, I've come a long way since 2007. A really long way. For instance, I enjoy life, which is something I sadly could not say only a few years ago. I also have the joy of having most of my skin still attached to my body. I am also happy to report that I have a healthy relationship with food (when I can actually afford it). But above all, the major difference in me, the cause of all of the other change, is God. He barged into my life in 2008 and changed things up a bit. He's good at doing that.
But where am I going?
Only a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have been writing this. For as long as I've had a story, I've been ashamed of it. My history was one of fear, of weakness, of violation, and things I still don't know how to explain. I didn't want people to know this side of me. I didn't want them to look at me and see me for who I was; who I still feel like at times. It got to the point last year where I was desperately trying to hide from everyone. To be vulnerable would be to hand someone a deadly weapon that could be used against me. My panic disorder was going off the charts, and I quickly started sinking into depression again.
The few friends I chose to confide in urged me to seek counseling, but I violently fought against it until I had no other choice. Even then, it took me six months to draw up the courage to see anyone. So now here I am, nearly a year and four counselors later. They didn't fix everything. Not even close. But they helped me to realize some things, and get some stuff figured out. The turning point really came last week.
I had met with my pastor because I was having a hard time. A really hard time. I was simply struggling with life, and I wanted guidance. And he, in approximately 23 minutes, gave me a new perspective. The counselor  I had been going to had been encouraging me to focus on myself, on making things right within me. My pastor told me to turn around, to look to the future, to others, to God. Something so simple and yet so beautiful. The very next day, our professor talked to us in Chapel about the very question that heads this post. The day concluded with a dear friend sharing her testimony. Throughout it all, I felt God tugging.
And something changed.
The shame, the fear that has plagued me for so long has vanished. What happened? Honestly, I still can't explain it, but somehow I realized that everything that has happened to me I can use to bring glory to God. I can relate to others in ways that many people cannot. Yes, I spent around five years of my life in an addicted, anorexic haze. Yes, I was taken advantage of in ways that people don't like hearing about. But those are insignificant. Colossians 1:21-22 reads "This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions, yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault." Without a single fault. I am holy and blameless to my Holy and Blameless Creator. The scars which I've been carrying I can now use as weapons for His glory. I feel no shame. 
And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing that has honestly never happened to me.
Which leads us to this blog. It is going to be my musings about life, the universe, and everything. It is my pursuit of happiness by processing the things that happen in my life.
And the root of my happiness, the root of my freedom, the root of my life is God.
May He grant you grace and peace.